


" You could pour soup in my lap and I'd apologize to you " - John Mulaney

by orphan_account



Series: Short stories that are usually (always) sad [3]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Adorable Connor, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, I write something not sad for once challenge, M/M, Nines is a tired college student, dennys is cursed, disaster gay RK900, fuck it ill take my chances, hes just a sweet and anxious lil man, im sorry mr.mulaney, it was an impulsive decision i made at three am on a wednesday, meeting your soulmate but its awkward, this was so much fucking fun to write please read it, would this be considered copyright, yes i did make an entire fanfic based on john mulaney's soup bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 16:31:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19299514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Niles meets his soulmate by pouring soup in his lap and having a breakdown about it.or:writer is dumb and has fun writing dumb things





	" You could pour soup in my lap and I'd apologize to you " - John Mulaney

**Author's Note:**

> i am NOT sorry for any of this. idea for this fic goes out to the best comedian out there, John Mulaney. watch him on netflix.

It’s almost midnight, and Niles really just wants to go home. He’s tired beyond belief, has dealt with shitty customers all day, and being that it’s the night shift, he’s likely going to see a crackhead soon. Or a group of teenagers. It’s fucking Denny’s, who knows what he’ll end up seeing.

He doesn’t like his job. He never intended on working at the most cursed place on the planet, but North couldn’t get hired anywhere else and she pretty much begged for him to come work with her. And, well, he owed her, since he kinda sleeps on her couch at the moment. College sucked both his soul and his wallet dry, and living alone? In _this_ economy? Not gonna happen. He’s trying to get a stable job, because that is exactly what he went to fucking college for, but currently he finds himself stuck at _Denny’s._ It's not a bad place, but it isn't where he wants to be either. Also, the main customers are the elderly and stoners. Neither of which Niles has the patience to put up with.

So he’s more than done with this day, half asleep in the kitchen when he hears North greet a new set of customers. Her tone, while totally faker than her usual one, isn’t too pissed so it certainly isn’t their first troublemaker of the night. He peaks his head out to see a group of four, two in police-wear and two arguing over weather a hot dog would be considered a sandwich or not.

One of the uniformed officers catches his eye- a polite looking kid with a beaming energy that no one should have at this hour. He’s cute, Niles will admit that, but he’s the only one who looks like he isn’t gonna tip over and pass out at any light shove. Then, his eyes catch sight of the guy throwing away what looks to be a tall energy drink, and he instantly feels sorry for him. Poor guy has been up for so long he’s probably astral projecting from his true emotions right now.

Or, he’s a genuinely nice person. The thought is somewhat disgusting, somewhat refreshing. He doesn’t look as old as the others with him, appears to be closer to Niles’ age, and he has to pry his eyes away to try and keep himself from thinking about the disappointment that rises in his chest. He’s one of the few people who, at the age of twenty-seven, has yet to meet his soulmate, and the fact that he can’t see the color of the man’s hair, or his pretty doe-eyes, is a little more than annoying.

Soulmates are a complicated subject. Most meet theirs in high school or college, usually by bumping into them in the hallway and _BAM!_ Suddenly they know what the color green looks like. Niles has tried his damn hardest, but not a lot of people are interested in dating if the person isn’t their soulmate. He understands, but it’s a little humiliating to meet up with someone at a nice restaurant, only to shake their hand and have them walk out the door as soon as they realize the world is still fucking gray.

The guy orders soup- who the fuck eats soup at Denny’s? The place is known for it’s pancakes and on occasion sandwiches or burgers but _soup?_ Everything about this guy screams _“I am an alien from another planet”_ and if he weren’t mildly put off and on the verge of passing out, he’d be kinda into it. Maybe he should go and dig that energy drink out from the trash…

Nope, soup’s done. Gotta feed weirdo and his now, very loud, arguing friends. Unfortunately, just as he’s about to get to the table, one of those God-awful teenagers he’d forgotten about sticks their foot out and he trips over it, sending food flying everywhere. Not only that, no, but his hand flies out and grabs onto the thigh of the guy he’s been half-oogling half-scrutinizing all night, and he realizes that the steaming hot soup this poor man just wanted to eat is all over his fucking lap now.

Great. Now Niles is not only a creep, but an asshole.

One of the guys has pretty much exploded- “Jesus Christ, watch where you’re fucking walking!”- but Niles barely hears it because as his head raises, cheeks burning with shame, he learns that the man’s nicely styled hair is brown, and his pretty eyes match. His uniform is dark blue, his skin is pale and peachy, and it’s covered in freckles.

The guy’s eyes are wide as his mouth drops, and Niles realizes he’s still gripping onto his thigh like a pervert. He yanks his hand away, ignoring the way it burns because it’s, you know, covered in soup. He stands, apology after apology pouring out of his mouth in pathetic word vomit, getting a, “It’s fine- really, it’s okay,” from the oldest man there. The woman is just giggling as her angry friend rants about _“kids these days”_ despite barely being older than him.

Soup boy just looks up to him, face red, and blurts, “I-I’m sorry!”

The oldest man covers his face with his hand. The girl starts laughing harder, and the angry one shouts, “Oi- don’t you apologize to him, dipshit!” Niles isn’t sure what to do. He’s stuck between the embarrassment rooting him to the ground, the curiosity begging him to ask if the pretty brunette also sees colors, and the fear screaming at him to turn around and run as far as possible.

He takes his fear’s advice, telling North as he passes that he’ll be back as soon as possible. He finds himself outside, fumbling with a pack of cigarettes, trying his hardest not to cry. It’s late as fuck, he’s just met his soulmate and he doesn’t even know if the person also sees what he does, _and_ he poured a burning hot bowl of soup in his lap. He feels like a toddler who’s waited way too long for his nap.

The sound of the door beside him swinging open makes him jump, the lighter in his hands clattering against the cement. A hand appears before he can snatch it for himself, and he realizes that the guy he just humiliated himself in front of is now handing him the lighter like that didn’t just happen. Niles takes it, mumbling a thank you, and lights his cigarette without another word.

All the while, pretty soup boy keeps staring at him.

“Are you okay?” He asks, innocently tilting his head to the side. It’s too perfect-- _he_ is too perfect. The mere sight of him, and the small action that is the turn of his head and the softening of his voice his enough to make Niles’ heart throb. Why is he such an idiot? Why is today, of all days, the one where God Nerfs his ass and makes him clumsier than he’s ever been?

“Fine.” Oh, he’s clearly not fine, but he doesn’t want to show anymore vulnerability to this stranger than he already has. “I-...I’m sorry I poured soup in your lap.”

“It’s alright, really. It was an accident, and you’re probably tired. I know I am.” He laughs, like Niles didn’t just humiliate himself, but it’s such a light and bubbly laugh that he can’t bring himself to be mad. “My name is Connor.”

_Connor,_ Niles thinks, _is much better than ‘soup boy’._ “Niles.”

Silence comes over the two, awkward and stuffy despite them being out in the open. Connor shifts his feet, watching the cars drive on by. At some point he pulls out a coin and starts flicking it into the air. His movements are a bit jerk, he has anxiety written all over his face. After a while of Nines avoiding any conversation by puffing smoke and Connor-- well, he isn’t sure what Connor’s doing-- the smaller male almost leaves.

Facing the door, hand hovering over the handle, he breathes in deeply. “Do you...want to talk about it?”

Niles blinks once. Twice. “The...soup?”

Connor’s face falls into one of disappointment, and he shakes his head. “Never mind.”

In the three seconds it takes for Connor to swing open the door, Niles decides, _fuck it,_ and grabs a hold of the man’s wrist. “Do you see them?” He blurts, hoping his desperation isn’t bleeding through his voice. “The colors?”

His doe-eyes light up, his entire being brightens at Niles’ voice, and he feels like he may cry for a completely different reason now. The door handle leaves Connor’s hand, which moves to rest on the one grasping his wrist. “Yes- I thought, I got so nervous, I-”

Ironic laughter bubbles in Niles’ chest, falls out of his mouth. “It’s fine, I was worried about the same thing.” They both laugh, grinning like the little idiots they are, for making such a big deal over a small misunderstanding. It isn’t even real that-- just two dorks who fret too much over every little thing.

“Come on,” Connor says, tugging Niles’ hand. “I’ll introduce you to my friends.”

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know about you guys, but the dennys where i live is fucking cursed. every time i go there its not only super late, but the food is kind of off and theres always really weird customers.  
> last time i went, i actually tried to order soup but they dont have any at night i guess. and then i tried to get hot choco but they didnt have any left so the lady working tried to heat up chocolate milk for me...she was cool but it was a very weird experience. mostly bc my friends kept eating jelly from those plastic containers but still.


End file.
